Yes my friends, another holiday is almost here. Even though it’s a Christian celebration, it has, just like Christmas, wound its way into our everyday world with easter egg hunts and bunnies with baskets and the potentially dreaded family gatherings.
I say dreaded because for those who are grieving, they can stir up all kinds of difficult feelings. Someone is missing- period. It just can’t be what it should be. There’s no way around it.
Maybe that person used to carve the ham or make the pies or play games with the kids or… maybe she or he was supposed to be one of those kids eagerly looking for eggs or gobbling down chocolate.
I know that our holiday table has shrunk a lot. We don’t really need that second table anymore. My family all come to our house for Easter dinner and as I look around at my 2 boys, 2 nieces and 2 nephews, I always, always feel the mixed blessing of having them all to enjoy while feeling the sadness of my daughter’s absence and wondering how she would fit in with them all. How would she be dressed? How would they get along? What would they talk about?
I also feel the memories of others who we miss so deeply – my father and Carol, my brother’s wife, and we always recall things about them while we talk.
Although it all sounds so sad, I always return to the realization and the belief that I wouldn’t change it because the fact that we had, and have, such great love for the ones who can’t be with us physically any longer is why it is so hard to be without them. Our missing them and hurting for them is from the imprint on our souls of that great love and we are so fortunate to have it. So when I have those few opportunities to gather with people I love a lot, I give myself time to feel the sad things I need to feel, then move on to let the “imprinting” continue.
Grief Life Line 
Apr 05, 2012 @ 22:47:04
I so so miss my grandmother who really raised me. She got dementia in 1997 and died a few years later. But I lost her twice. First to the worst disease and then to death. I was scanning pictures tonight and noticed how she and I had the same body type in our 50’s…and how beautiful I thought she was..and how much I hate getting older..it made me stop and think, that might have been her gift. She came to me in a dream last week and a friend posted a poem about how those that passed come to visit in our dreams. It was the same day and made me feel blessed.
Apr 06, 2012 @ 15:00:16
I definitely believe that those we’ve lost visit us in our dreams, especially in times when we miss them or need their love and care. It’s happened to me many times.
Believe it or not, I’ve even had times when I’ve been struggling with work related thoughts and good old David K. has shown up to fuss at me.
I don’t think we ever stop missing the ones we were closest to, like parents or your grandmother in your case. It’s funny you should say that too. I had my dogs outside this morning and I was thinking about this post. I found myself thinking about my dad and I just shook my head and said, I’m just not going to get over you being gone, that’s just the way it is. I’m going to miss you like this always. And he’s been gone for 35 years.
That’s the toughest lesson of all, you don’t get over it, you just learn to live with it and find joy in the memories and the gifts they you.
Apr 10, 2012 @ 22:37:40
Love that…”imprinting.”