I wanted to share this post with you as this really captures what it’s like to struggle along the road of grief and try to deal with the real world. Words are not always the answer. Sometimes quiet compassion is all that’s needed.

ofmenandmountains

Having grief in your life on this level is walking a path filled with land mines.   I think I am navigating my way through pretty well when wham!  one blows up in my face.

I’ve been told lately by a number of people that have NOT been by my side during the last 10 months that I “look better”, I  “sound better” , that I “appear to be doing better.”    I am taken aback.  Their comments are meant to encourage me I am sure.  Instead they make me want to punch them in the face.

The conundrum is that I don’t know why I feel that way.  These people obviously have only seen me in passing, they have not squatted here in the trenches with me as some others have.  I’m not sure exactly what they mean and maybe they don’t either.

But here is how I take…

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. melodylowes
    May 04, 2012 @ 11:40:15

    That hateful “You look better!” phrase! And to not become a complete social outcast, we nod and smile and paste that look of unconcern on our face while a piece breaks off and dies inside. Growl… I sometimes have to repeat “They don’t know what they’re talking about, they don’t know what they’re talking about…” to myself to keep my hands from flying out in a resounding slap. (Hmm..I sound rather violent there… I’m sure you will understand that I am actually NOT!)

    Reply

    • Cindyss
      May 04, 2012 @ 11:48:49

      I TOTALLY understand. I still believe inside that most people are either so uncomfortable with it that they answer from some automatic place or they do care and really think that they are saying something helpful.

      As I have moved along this “road” and experienced other things as well, I have learned that we as a society really are fairly stinted emotionally and do say and react in some pretty strange ways. And unfortunately, a lot of it has come from our religious + “work ethic” training. But then, I think those things also make us stronger. Oh well, yin and yang!

      Reply

      • melodylowes
        May 04, 2012 @ 11:55:56

        A difficult learning curve, indeed. And yes – I think most people are completely ignorant when it comes to deep pain, or are hopelessly inadequate at connecting with the pain of others. I used to think that I could quote Scripture, smile, and walk on having changed the world, too, after all…knowing better now, I cringe at the shallow, arrogant critter I was once. Thank God He stepped in to change ME!

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