Count your blessings…

I read something today which bothered me a little.  It talked about getting over losing your child by starting to look at the good things in your life. You know, “attitude of gratitude”, “think positive thoughts and you’ll feel better”, that kind of thing.  Well…I have a thought or two on that as I’m sure a few others out there would.  My first one being, yeah, right- it’s not quite that simple.

Please don’t get me wrong.  I truly do believe in all of that and I do practice it regularly.  I try to catch myself as often as I can when I am thinking negative things and change my thoughts around.  I read a lot of books on the subject of positive thinking and the Law of Attraction and tips and tricks on how to get my mind in the best possible place.  Let me tell you, I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t do those things.

I have a notebook filled with positive quotes and inspirational sayings that I refer to regularly.  I have beautiful pictures, photos of my family, funny cards, cute doggy pictures, drawings my kids have made me over they years- all kinds of stuff hanging around my office to look at to boost me up when I need it.  And of course there’s music, although I realized that I haven’t been listening to it as much as I should- something I am changing.  Music was always a big part of my life in the past so I really want to get that back in.

Anyway,  the person who wrote this talked about counting a bunch of things you can be grateful for when you start to feel bad about your lost child.  Now she did say that moving on from this loss would be a slow process- could require you to take small steps.  But I can tell you that when I am remembering my little baby girl and feeling sad that I don’t get to talk to her about what she’s thinking about doing when she gets out of college or my heart just fell into my stomach because someone unknowingly just said to me for the umpteenth time, “You’re so lucky you don’t have a daughter. Girls are so much harder than boys” and I’m thinking okay mouth, don’t say it- “Really?? Well, you know I would have really loved to have had the chance to find out but…”

I know that the point this person was trying to make was overall a good one.  The circumstances, to me, just were a tad off.  The thing is, I don’t see the two things as mutually exclusive.  I am lucky that I am far enough along in my grief experience that I can separate my losses from other things and still see all that I have to be grateful for.  I think about them every day. I even think that when you’ve experienced loss it can make you more thankful for simple everyday things.  I just don’t see that as a way to deal with not having the daughter that was given to me then taken away.  I could come up with a list of things I’m grateful for and it still wouldn’t make up for that.

It  reminds me of a post from a fellow blogger that I read a while ago about a loss being a gift as you learn so much from it.  When people call it a gift, it sounds like something you’d really want. Well, yes, I can’t deny that I have learned a tremendous amount from these gifts that I have received.  We talked about it some and the conclusion of it all though was – these are gifts we would give back in a heartbeat.

I Would Gladly Trade My Lessons   (Namaste Consulting)


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Vince Chough
    Mar 26, 2012 @ 13:40:59

    I think a lot of it is about word choice and intentions. Some view the word “gift” as something purely pleasurable. Maybe better, as you point, out to not just lump everything together and be conscious of the process…


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