It’s All Relative

Last week was a terrible week.  A bunch of things happened that just made me feel like nothing was going right.  Nothing earth shattering- nothing that could compare to things I’ve had to deal with in the past.  College issues with my son and we ended up without heat on the coldest day of the winter and you know, all that life “bs” that happens when you’re trying to just get along- good days and bad days.

But it became one of those times when I felt overwhelmed.  It was one of those times when the remnants of the stress and coping and healing process swirled around me again like a dust cloud and I questioned my ability to keep on in my forward motion.  I wept a lot, I swore, I even yelled at God (I do believe in God in a “new” sort of way).  This was probably the biggest “down” I’ve had in a while.

I have people whose answer to me in these moments is “that’s just life”.  Well, I know that.  But that doesn’t really help a lot when I’m just looking for a little support.  And I see  things on Facebook where people share stories of others in terrible circumstances to make us all aware of how appreciative we should be. But that doesn’t really help either at these times.

Ok, I know there are people whose lives are way worse than mine.  Even in the most horrible moment of my life, someone was having a more horrible moment than me.  But does that mean that I should have “bucked up” and pushed back my tears and said “well, it could be worse”?  Obviously not (although when I called my grandmother, whom I loved dearly, to tell her through my tears that my father had died, she told me I had to keep my chin up and be strong for my mother).

Please don’t think that I don’t appreciate the hardships that other people experience.  I thank God every day for all the good things in my life and for how lucky I am.  By all rights, I shouldn’t even have the 2 children I do have.  And how many people are still married to the same person after 30 years and still actually like him?  I am surrounded by people all the time who remind me to respect life and live every day.

But I also know that trying to brush away negative feelings or letting them pile up by comparing yourself to others can be dangerous.  We are meant to feel those things and get them out so that we can move on in a more positive way.  It’s not a competition over who has had it worse.  It is all relative to you and your life situation.  Obviously, there are some limits here.  A teenage girl having a breakdown  over losing her cell phone might be a bit excessive, but…even then you never know what else might be going on.

There can be a fine line between feeling your feelings and letting them out and self-pity.  If things are rough and you’ve had a bad time as will happen in this life for whatever reason,  feel what you feel. Just so long as you eventually get back up on that horse and keep going. If you are grieving, that may take a long time and it may not be a steady ride.  You’ll probably fall off a lot as I still do now and then.  As time goes on, it still doesn’t feel good but it doesn’t take as long to get up again.

As for me, I am back at it.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kathy Eckert-Mason
    Jan 24, 2012 @ 04:53:14

    Cindy you are so right about the need to acknowledge and express those feelings. Since my mother’s death last summer, I have been doing alot of “bucking up” and carrying on – and when I least expect it (tonight on the way home in the car) I am suddenly overwhelmed with grief and emotion. It is what it is.

    Reply

    • Cindyss
      Jan 25, 2012 @ 01:15:49

      Absolutely Kathy. Those feelings are there and are only natural. It’s a shame that we feel like we have to push them down inside and be strong. I think it shows how human you are and how much you love someone when you feel and express those emotions. As much as I hate having to go through those moments, I now know that I will feel better having let it out. Let those tears flow…

      Reply

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