Change can be tough even under the most ideal circumstances.  Although variety can be the spice of life, we all like things to be calm and relaxed and familiar.  For some this is even tougher than others.  We can become very set in our ways and rigid as we age, making change even harder- one of the reasons why older people can be so resistant about leaving their homes to move to totally strange, new surroundings.

When someone you love dies and is suddenly, or even not so suddenly, gone from your familiar world, the change that comes is drastic.  It is not something that you can get used to in a few days or months, maybe not even years.  It’s not like you’ve just redone the house and the yard- it’s like you moved to a whole new country where people are speaking a language you don’t understand.  Even their everyday behaviors can seem strange and distant to you.  Over time, you will meet many new and different people and figure out how to relate to them.  Some of those experiences will be good and some, not so much.  You may find yourself at times standing in the middle of a room, surrounded by strangers, feeling like you stick out like a sore thumb, wondering “what am I doing here, what happened to my life, why did this have to happen, why now, WHY???”

The toughest part about this trip is that you didn’t choose to take it and it will take you a while before you finally unpack your bags and realize that you are here for the long haul. There’s no return ticket.  But one thing I can assure you is that if you keep looking around, you are bound to bump into some other people from that same place you came from who are also just learning the language or who maybe have been there a bit longer and can help you along.

I know it can be really hard to ask for help, especially when you feel so wounded or vulnerable or angry but finding someone who’s been through the same thing as you and asking for some support is one of the best possible things you can do to help you get through this terrible time in your life.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. momshieb
    Jan 16, 2012 @ 23:25:21

    Very poignant, Cindy. I know that when my Dad died , I just couldn’t seem to accept that the world kept turning without him.


    • Cindyss
      Jan 17, 2012 @ 01:01:20

      It’s a very hard loss. It just so happens that today is the 35th anniversary of my father’s death. I find it so hard to believe some times that it’s been so long. I still miss him all the time. They really do stay with us though


  2. huntersoledad
    Jan 17, 2012 @ 01:59:16

    Hi Cindy, I think I can relate to some of your feelings. I have not lost a parent but I have lost a child and I did struggle to get that child on IVF. Today it is 120 weeks since my daughter died.


    • Cindyss
      Jan 17, 2012 @ 02:13:44

      Hi Trudie
      Losing a child is so very different than any other loss. Speaking from a mother’s perspective, having grown that child inside of you gives you such an incredible bond that is something I know I never could have imagined until I had my first. I know that your pain must be so tender now, probably unbearable at times. I feel for you and wish you the strength to carry on a hopeful life feeling your daughter’s love around you. I also hope that you people around you to support you and care for you. Please continue to write to me if I can help.


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